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Sex Q & A with Dr. Elna Rudolph

Sex Q & A with Dr. Elna Rudolph

Dr. Elna Rudolph answers a few questions about sex.

My partner wants to try anal sex more often, but I don’t enjoy it. I’m worried that if I don’t do it, he will feel unfulfilled…

There are certain no-no’s when it comes to sex in relationships and they are different for each couple. The one might never want to have sex unless she first had a shower, the other will never allow oral sex, and another will not do it with the lights on. These taboos should be respected by the partner, but it does not mean that they cannot shift when the reasons behind them are explored and some basic information with specific suggestions are given in the form of sex education or formal therapy.

When it comes to anal sex being one of the taboos, there are usually two reasons: Firstly some people have religious or moral issues with it. These can be quite difficult to shift and should sometimes just be respected. The other reason is that it is just too uncomfortable and therefore really not enjoyable. Guys expect that they will be able to just penetrate their partners as easily as it looks in porn. The reality is that most people have to go through a process to get used to being stimulated first around and then in the anus. Start with some light touch and rubbing and then move to inserting a well lubricated little finger and then progressively go larger from there. If you are really committed to it, you could also practice by yourself to get used to what it takes for the anal sphincter to relax. Like any muscle, it has the ability, but it takes time. If you perceive the attempt at penetration to be threatening and you anticipate the pain, the muscle will just go into spasm and make it more difficult and unpleasant.

How many times a week is it normal to masturbate? I’m in a long-term relationship and masturbate at least once a week, but my partner says he never does.

It depends on many things. If there is so-called “desire discrepancy” in a couple (which is the case in most relationships!) the partner with the higher desire is left frustrated if he or she does not masturbate. Masturbating is also a form of self-loving and soothing. You might get something completely different from masturbating than what you get from sex and therefore remain to have a need for it although you are in a very sexually fulfilling relationship. More than five times a week probably becomes excessive (according to international definitions anyway). It is also normal to never masturbate if you are in steady relationship. Whatever works for you.

I found a stash of lesbian porn on my husband’s computer and watched a video out of curiosity. It really got me off. What does this mean? Am I a closet lesbian?

Not necessarily. Up to 80% of women get turned on by some girl-on-girl action! You are a lesbian (if we have to use such a rigid term) if you would like to build a life with another woman. If lesbian porn excites you, you have just expanded your repertoire of excitement and fantasy.

I sometimes feel like my husband and I are more in the best friend zone than sexually connected. What can I do to get the spark back?

Make sure that you create special experiences when it comes to sex. The longer the relationship, the more difficult it is to create more and more exciting sexual experiences and then you get stuck in a rut.

It is however possible to create a special experience in a different way each time. Take time to make love through sensual massages and external stimulation, do the romantic candle lights and special music thing, make regular dates for love making, increase the oxytocin (bonding hormone) between you by looking each other in the eye, hugging and cuddling – all things to make a concerted effort to say: this is a special relationship with an intimate bond, not merely a friendship.

The more you are like friends, the more difficult these things are, but get started sooner rather than later!

How do I get my partner to go down on me more often?

Ask for it! Make sure you have the hair and hygiene under control and buy some special lubes that taste nice to encourage him. Returning the favor also goes a long way in encouraging him! (His favour might not be oral sex, it might be something else he loves that you are not doing frequently – find out what that is).

My guy doesn’t know how to make me climax – while he’s well-endowed, he’s not an expert at making it work. How do I nudge him in the right direction?

Firstly, you have to be honest about the fact that you are not getting there. Make it about you, not him. Tell him that there is only a specific way that works for you to come and you want to show him how to help you to get there. Show him how you do it and let him get involved in taking over more and more of the stimulation each time.

If he is offended by this and does not want to cooperate, think twice about sorting out a budget or raising kids with him!

How do I tell if he has an STI?

Sometimes you see a discharge, sore, blister, bump or wart in your genital area. It might have a bad smell or burn when you urinate. The reality is that most of the times you won’t even know about it. You will have to get tested.

I’ve just woken up from a night of tantric sex, but I’ve broken out in a nasty rash – I think it might be from the latex condoms we used. Are there any others we could try?

You could get latex-free condoms, but they are very difficult to find. Order them off the internet. It can also be due to oils you used for massaging.

I’m really in love with my partner but I struggle to get turned on by him. What should I do?

Check your hormone levels. Getting turned on is heavily dependent on testosterone. If you are taking an oral contraceptive, it breaks down and block your testosterone and therefore it is difficult to become sexually aroused. Some women just don’t produce enough testosterone. It can be supplemented through the skin, though. Never ever through injections!

My partner is amazing in bed, but he enjoys taking drugs before sex. I sometimes do it with him, but it bothers me that he wants to be high when we’re having sex. How do I tell him?

Be honest about it. tell him that you value the relationship and that you would like to have real intimacy with him and not just a fun, exhilarating experience. Ask him to do it your way every second time.

My partner is always super aroused when we’re in public, and not so much in private. While the thrill of getting caught is sexy, I’m over the riskiness. How do I get him to be as aroused when we’re at home?

It has to do with his sexual arousal template that was probably formed in his brain before the age of nine! He will have to learn that he has a very rigid arousal template and that it can actually be adapted and expanded. He also has to learn that sex is sometimes not that exciting, sometimes it is more special and for the purpose of bonding than for the purpose of that ultimate high. Guys with a rigid arousal template often have problems with real intimacy and if the problem is really severe, it should be addressed in therapy.

I’m very attracted to my partner, but during sex, I get uncomfortable and clamp up. How do I get over this?

That sounds like it could be vaginismus. We are a team of professionals that specialise in helping women deal with this problem. I wish there was a one-liner answer to that one, but unfortunately there isn’t. It’s usually caused by a combination of medical conditions, childhood trauma, religious upbringing with excessive guilt, poor sex education, psychological as well as relationship issues. These all need to be addressed for you to stop clamping up with the man you love.

Help! His penis is too big!

You can use muscle relaxants, better lube, vaginal dilators and even physiotherapy to get over this hurdle! There is also a device from Pure Romance, called Super Stretch Lips, that you can put over his penis to keep a part of it outside of the vagina during intercourse, but it is usually the girth that is the problem. Make sure you have pleeently of foreplay in order for your body to get ready for penetration.

Help! His penis is too small!

Make sure you get satisfied before penetration happens. You can also do kegel exercises and even see a physiotherapist that specialises in the area to help you strengthen your muscles in order to “feel” him better. A device like a We-Vibe also helps to improve the sensation during penetration if you need more than what he ‘has to offer’.

My boyfriend asked me to stick a finger in his bum while we were having sex. At first, I wasn’t keen, but eventually I agreed, and he said he had the most intense orgasm ever. Now he wants to do it all the time. Does this mean he’s gay?

No, not at all! It just means that he has discovered his p-spot. The nerve that supplies sensation this area is the same as the one that supplies your clitoris, so you do the math.

My new boyfriend has marathon-runner stamina in the bedroom. Sex goes on forever. I actually start getting bored and sometimes even chafed. How can I make him come faster?

Ask him to! If he can’t, he has what is called delayed ejaculation. Although it is a difficult condition to treat in sex therapy or sexual medicine, it can be done. Firstly, check if he is not on anti-depressant drugs that may be causing the problem. That can easily be changed to a different type, if it is the case. You can also tell him that you will help him come in another way or he can get himself there (which is usually much quicker) but you are only up for ten minutes of penetration in any one round (the vagina struggles to stay lubricated for longer than that in most women).

I want to do a striptease for my guy but I’m really uncoordinated and I’m worried it’s going to be more comedy than sexy. What’s the best costume to wear that’s easy and sexy to remove?

Probably a man’s shirt, tie and a top hat. Make sure you have the sexy stockings with dispensers and heals that you can still move in to complete the outfit (or at least that is what I’m told by the Carmen Electra Strip Tease DVD that was given by a friend! Not exactly the content covered in a Master’s Degree in Sexual Health!).

I don’t feel pain during sex, but afterwards, I bleed for two to three days, as if I’m having a period. What’s up?

You probably have an infection. See a gynae or doctor who knows something about this as soon as possible! Worst case scenario – it might be a cancer, so don’t wait!

I had my period twice last month. Google says it may be due to stress and my diet. But now I’m feeling some pain below my stomach. What could it be?

Ovarian cysts can cause abnormal bleeding and lower abdominal pain. You need to see a gynae or at least get a pelvic ultrasound done.

What can I do to reduce wetness before and during intercourse?

It may sound a bit strange, but you can just be practical about it and keep a towel handy to remove some of the excess moisture. We also compound a special cream to be applied into the vagina prior to sex to reduce the lubrication. Just also check for an infection. Sometimes the wetness is not lubrication but actually from an infection. Another option is to go onto a low dose estrogen contraceptive. That often causes vaginal dryness which could help in your case.

How do I tighten and strengthen my vaginal muscles?

You can get lots of information about Kegel Exercises on the internet – with different variations and programmes. Many women find it difficult to isolate these muscles and end up squeezing everything but their vaginal muscles. There are physiotherapists who specialise in this area. They will teach you how to do it through biofeedback.

My husband is 63; I’m 31, but he wants sex every day – sometimes twice a day! I can’t keep up. What should I do?

It can be that he just has a very healthy appetite but it can also be that he has a discomfort in his pelvic area that is released through intercourse, something called persistent genital arousal disorder, or it might be that he has an addiction. With professional help, it can be established which one of the three it is. The point however, is that his high desire cannot be your responsibility. You can have sex as many times as you are willing and able to, but the rest of the time, he will have to sort it out himself.

It can also be a hormonal imbalance which can be addressed medically, so get help if you are taking strain.

I lost my brother six months ago, but am still feeling the loss so I have bouts of depression that kill my sex drive to the point where I don’t even want to be touched or kissed, and its taking strain on my marriage. I can’t take anything hormone based as I have a factor 5 laiden disorder. Is there anything I can do or try to help me out my slump?

One the one hand you just have to be patient with yourself and give yourself time to get over this extremely traumatic life experience. It takes time and it is normal to lose your libido when you have depression.

On the other hand, make sure you get professional help. See a psychologist and take an anti-depressant that does not take your libido away. Something that works very well, but only if you are not anxious, is a drug called bupropion. It can actually boost your libido even if you don’t have depression.

My cramps before and during my period are awful! Is there anything I can do to ease them?

You can go onto the pill or have the Mirena inserted. Natural medicine like Premular or Femiscript also helps. Many women find benefit from using Evening Primrose Oil.

My IUD cut my guy during sex. Is something wrong?

Yes, definitely! It is falling out and probably not effective as a contraceptive anymore! Have it removed and replaced immediately. Sometimes when the strings are cut too short, they sting the partner, but if he got a cut, it was from the actual device itself and it should be removed.

My partner and I are both virgins. How can we make our first time really special?

By taking it really slow. Make sure you have covered base one, two and three before you try to have sex. Also make sure he can insert two fingers into your vagina without hurting you. Don’t expect to have orgasms, just enjoy the uncharted waters of really being one for the first time. You can add more movement and stimulation as time goes on.

My friends say they love having their nipples played with. Mine aren’t sensitive so I don’t really enjoy it. Is there something wrong with me?

No, you probably have other areas that get you going, focus on those and make sure you partner knows about them. If they are not very sensitive, normal kissing and sucking might not feel like much to you. Try a bit more pressure that goes towards pain (but not painful) – that could be very intense and pleasurable for women with nipples that are not very sensitive. Vibration also makes a difference.

What does an orgasm feel like?

It is different for every women – some say it feels like sneezing and others like dying! You have to find out for yourself. One thing that all orgasms have in common is a climax (or a few of them) and then a fall. There is a definite point where you can feel that you are experiencing a release. If the release is gradual or the pleasurable sensation just kind of weans off, you did not have an orgasm. You will know if you did.

I keep getting yeast infections, but my guy won’t treat himself at the same time.

Yeast infections love the vaginal pH, they usually don’t survive on a guy’s penis. The fact that you are getting recurrent infections is not due to him not being treated, it is most likely due to you not being sufficiently treated, or it might not a yeast infection but bacterial vaginosis or even an STI. If it is an STI, he will need to be treated as well. Guys get candida only if they have very low immunity like with HIV or diabetes.

Getting rid of yeast infections often require repeated regular dosages of oral anti-fungal medication, restoring the balance of the pH in your vagina and removing triggers for yeast infections like bubble baths and food that is high in sugar.

We often see atypical yeast infections like candida glabrata. You should get a vaginal swab MCS and ask for specific culture and sensitivity for the candida.

 

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What is it really like to get a Mirena?

What is it really like to get a Mirena?

Published by Grow A Pair.

We follow Lindi as she goes through the process of getting the Mirena inserted! The Mirena is a small, T-shaped hormonal intrauterine device classified as a long-acting reversible contraceptive method.

Thank you to:

Dr. Elna Rudolph from My Sexual Health for being so informative, doing the procedure and always making everyone comfortable and at ease!

Cool Your Jets, Anja Venter, Alicia van Zyl and Ilze van Heerden for the awesome illustration and animation.

Sound Design: Wesley Ayliffe

Amazing humans for the music tracks: “Death by Princess” by Japan & I “A Liar & a Thief” by Us Kids Know “Parachute Pants” by Us Kids Know

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Love Coach: The Sex Doctor Will See You Now

The Sex Doctor Will See You Now

By Dr. Elna Rudolph, published in Women’s Health Magazine, December 2014.

WH’s resident sex doc shares four of her actual cases with advice so real and raunchy, you’ll want to try it tonight!

Read the full article here.

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Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver

By Nichi Hodgson, Originally published in Women’s Health Magazine, 2015. Edited by Dr. Elna Rudolph.

Things we love about vaginas: they have more names than Snoop Dogg. People have written poems, songs and plays about them, and in our overexposed, overtly sexualized world, vaginas still hold the power to appall, enthrall and excite. Oh, and give birth. But it turns out we still have a few tricks to learn…

Oral sex how-to (for him)

A guide you might want to subtly leave on his bedside table…

  1. “While you’re kissing, press a thigh between her legs,” says sex expert Midori, author of Wild Side Sex (like Madonna, she only needs one name). “Now, grind in, moving up and down. It’s the washing-machine-on-spin-cycle principle – the overall vibration has a greater effect than just using a finger or two.” Noted.
  2. “Next, start to nibble through her skirt as a teasing prelude – she should soon start grinding on your face. But before her panties come off completely, try breathing and licking her through them. It’ll make for a truly explosive touchdown when your tongue finally makes direct contact with her clitoris.”
  3. Now to master your technique. “If you want to practice clitoral stimulation, put a Tic Tac in a sandwich bag. Learn to suck the mint between your lips without using your teeth, then keep it there, while using your tongue to tease it.” Well, that’s something they never mentioned in the advert.

Question Time…

Things you never learnt during high school sex ed…

Q. Can my Rabbit give me an STI?

A. If you’ve had one before, yes, you can get it again from your vibrator, says sex educator Kate McCombs. “Toys made from porous material can harbor infections. Choose silicone, glass or stainless steel and clean them in soap and hot water.” Non-electric silicone ones can even go in the dishwasher. Just watch out who unloads it.

Q. Can his cold sore give me genital herpes?

A. In a nutshell: yes. According to Dr Natalie Hinchcliffe, “The HSV 1 type (usually the oral kind) can be passed to your genitals, even if lesions aren’t present.” Cold sores on your cooch? Not ideal. Dr. Elna Rudolph adds that “the notion that HSV1 is an oral infection and HSV2 is a genital infection is no longer true.  You can get “cold sores” on your genitals and genital herpes in your mouth and on your lips.  If he has ever had a fever blister, he can give you genital herpes! The chance is slim, but not zero.  In SA 80% of people have HSV1 in their mouths – it leaves a very small minority that can safely have oral sex!”

Q. Could I become vibrator-dependent?

A. Afraid so, says sex therapist Sarah Berry. “Too much vibrator use can desensitise you. If you’re struggling to orgasm with a partner, cut out the toys until you get used to manual stimulation again.” Turn off to get turned on. “If your brain gets used to reaching orgasm in a specific way, without variations, it becomes learned behavior and deviating from that becomes difficult”, says Rudolph.  “Make sure you love yourself in many different ways to keep your clitoris (and brain!) sensitive to all kinds of stimulation.”

Q. Is it possible to grow a vagina?

A. Actually, yes. US scientists have pioneered a way to lab-grow a vagina from a woman’s own cells. It can then be implanted into her body. The process takes just six weeks and the vagina even has full sexual function. But what do they do with the old one?

Three things your vajayjay would veto

Treat your vagina with kindness and it will return the favour.

1. Smoking

The risk of cervical cancer is about double in smokers,” says Hinchcliffe. “Smoking also puts you at greater risk of certain STIs, including trichomonas – you know, the one that gives you a horrible, foul-smelling discharge.” Stub it out for the sake of your vag. Rudolph adds: “It is much more difficult for your body to fight off the damage cause by HPV infection if you smoke.  Women who already have abnormal pap smears have a much higher chance of it getting worse and worse, even up to the point of cervix cancer, if they smoke.  Some infections like the foul-smelling Trichomonas is also more common in smokers.”

2. Douching

“Your vagina actually cleans itself, so there’s no need to douche it with anything,” explains Hinchcliffe. “In fact, bacterial vaginosis is significantly more common among women who douche, as is general irritability in the area. Your vagina is not meant to smell like a rose, so stop trying to make it.” But if you insist, for gynae’s sake put down the lemon verbena soap on a roap and use a specially formulated wash with the right pH balance. FEMAGENE products won’t upset your beaver’s balance, BUT only if you use it externally.  Never ever use any soap inside your vagina and definitely don’t squirt anything into your vagina. It kills all the good stuff and makes your situation worse in the long run. Bacterial Vaginosis, a condition where one or more of the natural bacteria in your vagina overgrows and cause a smelly discharge, is much more common in women who douche or try to wash inside their vaginas.

3. Penetration-only orgasms

Too many of us still prioritise the hole as the goal – to our sexual detriment. A study by neuroendocrinologist Dr Kim Wallen found that seven percent of women can climax from penetrative sex alone. What’s more, he calculated the “C-V ratio” to show it’s the distance between your clitoris and vagina that likely determines your ability to have a hole-in-one orgasm. The perfect pump-to-pleasure measurement was found to be 2.5cm. If yours is longer than that, don’t let him think it’s only his magic wand that counts.

For when your hoo-haa isn’t feeling hunky dory…

Find out when your lady garden needs some love…

> Symptom: Burnt skin thanks to a bad bikini wax

Unless the skin is blistered, this doesn’t require medical attention. Just treat as you would any other burnL run under cold water, apply cream such as E45, avoid intercourse until healed and, most importantly, get yourself a new beautician, pronto!

> Symptom: Discharge after intercourse

As long as there’s no strange colour or sudden change in consistency, it’s normal. Discharge increases with sexual arousal and the amount varies from woman to woman. And if a guy ejaculates inside you, expect to leak.

> Symptom: Soreness or irritation after exercise

A dragging sensation could indicate vaginal prolapse. Cycling is one of the worst culprits for beaver-bruising, as a study in the BMJ found female cyclists were at particular risk of infections and swelling. Saddle and handlebar positions are important – German scientists found sitting with your upper body at a 30-degree angle to the bike frame can reduce blood flow to your vagina by up to 70 percent. Stand up on your pedals every 10 minutes to avoid this.

> Symptom: Pain during and after sex

One in five women experience pain during intercourse.  There can be various reasons for this from serious gynaecological conditions to hormonal imbalances, infections to muscles spasms and nerve abnormalities.  These need to be excluded and then managed by an experienced multi-disciplinary team that can also address the psychological aspects of suffering from painful intercourse.  Treatment might involve using vaginal dilators, physiotherapy and various creams as well as sorting out any infections and gynae problems.

> Symptom: Bleeding between periods

This warrants some form of medical investigation, as it can be caused by infection, cervical cancer or ectropion (also known as cervical erosion). Ectropion is a normal response to hormones and usually occurs in women of reproductive age, especially those using hormonal contraception. It can be scary, but as long as your smear tests are normal, it’s unlikely to be a long-term worry.

> Symptom: Pain at the top of your pubic bone

Generally means pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), an ovarian cyst or endometriosis. PID symptoms include fever, unusual discharge and bleeding between periods. Cysts cause acute pain on one side, but often go away by themselves. Painful sex, severe period pain and pain going for a number two could be endometriosis, which can be eased with oral or hormonal contraceptives.

 

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O-O-O-O-Orgasm!

O-O-O-O-Orgasm!

By Sarah Z Wexler

The public convo surrounding the female orgasm has officially climaxed: last year, Nicki Minaj told a magazine that she demands one every single time she has sex (and thinks you should too); #GetCliterate blew up all over social media; and a provocative video series, Hysterical Literature – in which women are brought to ecstasy by a vibrator while trying to read a book aloud – has reached 19 million views on YouTube.

All this attention to our Os has done a world of good, it seems. For the first time ever, research shows that the majority of women typically come during sex – 89 percent of those 18 to 34 years old, to be exact, according to a new survey by Skyn Condoms. (In the not-so-distant past, The Kinsey Institute ball-parked this number as low as 20 percent.)

Still, we believe the peak of sexual pleasure can be hotter, stronger, more frequent, more ’gasm-y. Our mission in this session? To celebrate (and elevate) your body’s most powerful release.

Lesson One: A guide to your lady parts

Forget GPS. Some of us could benefit from a little CPS. When asked in a study to point to the clitoris on a diagram of the female genitalia, 29 percent of women and 25 percent of men were completely lost, the majority of those believing it was located “on the front wall of the vaginal canal”. Nope! Considering it’s the epicentre of pleasure for most women, a tutorial is in order. So, lock the door, grab a hand mirror, and let’s inspect your ittiest bits.

Prepuce

Gently pull back your outer and inner vaginal lips, and up top you’ll see this little hood. Like the foreskin on an uncircumcised penis, it protects your glans clitoris (your big O spot) and “retracts when you become aroused,” says gynaecologist Dr Lauren Streicher, author of Sex RX.

Glans clitoris

Lift the prepuce and you’ll meet the external part of the clitoris – and the orgasm holy grail. This pink little nub contains 8 000 supersensitive nerves. The closer it is to your vaginal opening, the higher the chances you’ll get off during penetrative sex. If yours is spaced further away (we’re talking a difference in millimetres), try a rear-entry position while your guy rubs your GC with a hand or a vibrator, says Streicher.

Corpus cavernosum

These are the “legs” of the clitoris, which are connected to the glans clitoris. They’re located inside your body (like a muscle), so they aren’t visible or touchable from the outside. They contain erectile tissue and swell with blood when you become aroused. Unlike a schlong, however, they don’t rise when you get a lady boner.

Urethral opening

This bitty dot located a smidge under the clitoris is where pee comes out – and possibly ejaculate for the 10 percent or more of women who “squirt” during orgasm. Streicher says we aren’t sure if the fluid is entirely ejaculate from the Skene’s glands, or whether it’s mixed with some urine. In any case, it’s not an erogenous part.

Vagina opening

To put it bluntly, where the penis or dildo goes. “It doesn’t have nearly as many nerve endings or the same kind of sensitivity as the clitoris, though, which explains why most women don’t climax simply from penetration,” explains Streicher.

G-spot

A vaguely defined structure near the vaginal opening, along the roof (closer to your stomach than back). Is it an extension of the clitoris or a separate structure? That’s up for debate. But stroking it can feel intensely satisfying.

Cervix

Located about 10cm inside your vagina, where the vaginal canal ends (though this distance varies from woman to woman and also lengthens a few inches to accommodate a penis or dildo when a woman is aroused, says Streicher). A well-endowed partner (or sex toy) can stimulate it, and some women say that’s enough to make them peak.

Lesson Two: The Kegel Challenge

Your pelvic-floor muscles control those incredible contractions you feel during an orgasm, so it’s in your best interest to keep them tight and toned (age, significant weight gain or pregnancy can zap them of their strength). A riot of new devices are designed to pump them back up. Our ready-and-willing testers gave them a go every day for a week. The results, below.

> Minna Kgoal

How it works: A balloon-like, buzzing device links via Bluetooth to an app that provides workout challenges and performance scores.

The verdict: “My pelvic muscles feel like they are getting stronger, but my Os are the same. I liked the app – I’ve always wondered if I was doing Kegels wrong.”

(Matildas.co.za)

> Lelo Luna Smart Bead

How it works: This smooth, palm-size, vibrating pebble contains touch sensors that track your exercises and light up to plot your progress.

The verdict: “When I squeezed my Kegels during sex with my boyfriend, he popped off in, like, two seconds. Mine took as long as usual, and felt about the same.”

(Matildas.co.za)

> Je Joue Ami Balls

How they work: This set of three weighted balls (with strings for easy removal) progresses from large and light to small and heavy; you must squeeze to hold them in place.

The verdict: “My orgasms are slightly more intense. They last a little longer, and I feel like I ‘released’ something that I haven’t felt before.”

(Matildas.co.za)

> Fifty Shades of Grey Beyong Aroused Ben-wa Balls

How they work: This set of four weighted balls (ranging from 15 to 55g) can be inserted vaginally on their own, or with the included cradle (which holds two balls at once).

The verdict: “I felt a post-orgasm sensation for longer than usual, and there was some pulsing of the muscle that occurred afterward.”

(LadyFays.co.za)

*Use these products with caution.

PLEASE NOTE: IF YOU HAVE PAINFUL INTERCOURSE, DO NOT USE THESE DEVICES. IT IS LIKELY TO CAUSE A HYPERACTIVE PELVIC FLOOR, MAKING THE PAIN WORSE.

Lesson Three: Don’t be bullied into your big O!

A public service announcement from The Big Bang Theory’s Dr Mayim Bialik (yes, she’s a neuroscientist!)

“I’m all for female sexual empowerment. But this ‘women have to have an orgasm every time they have sex’ business is stressing me out. Not me personally. But generally speaking, it’s stressing me out.

“As a scientist, I can assure you that the female orgasm is one of the greatest incidental occurrences of biology. (Thank you, Mother Nature. Huge fan.) Procreation doesn’t need one to make babies; it’s a delightful side effect of intercourse. Research suggests that women whose partners take the time to help them achieve orgasm feel more bonded to them and may even have a better chance of getting pregnant. (I love those studies.) So, yeah, Team Orgasm all the way.

“However, the notion that ‘sexual equality’ means that every time your partner has an orgasm you should too is problematic. It creates an unnecessary pressure. You see, male orgasm is the finish line for the male experience. Women’s orgasm is a horse of a different colour. We can have orgasms before, during, or after sex and – thanks to the wonders of the female body – sometimes a few times in the course of one sexual coupling! (Shout out to Mother Nature again on that one!) But it’s not imperative for us to have one, nor does it define our sexual experience as a whole. Sometimes we may not have the focus, energy or stamina to make one happen, and that has to be okay. It’s still sex without the orgasm; that’s a biological fact.”

Our sexpert answers your burning Qs

Emily Morse, sexologist. Host of the podcast Sex with Emily and author of Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight.

QUIRKY CLIMAX

What’s the weirdest way a woman can reach orgasm?

Some can have a “nipplegasm”, since stimulating the nipples releases oxytocin, causing vaginal contractions and an increase in blood flow to the genitals. Nocturnal Os are possible too. Having a hot dream during REM sleep spikes blood flow to your vagina, and boom! Even “mindgasms” can occur from deep breathing paired with erotic thoughts.

WAKE THE NEIGHBOURS

If I’m more vocal in bed, will that up my chances of having an orgasm?

Yes, research shows that women who speak up feel more pleasure, as do their partners. Doesn’t have to be dirty talk, per se. Even something as simple as “Oh yea” or “Don’t stop” can get the message across. Specifics? Bring it on. “I love it when you use your fingers while you go down on me,” or “When you swivel your hips, I lose all control.” This boosts your partner’s self-esteem by reassuring him that what he’s doing feels good; it also gives him intel on what you like and keeps you in the moment. If you’re too shy, moaning will communicate your needs.

Show & Tell: My best O-moment

We asked some brave women to fill in the blank: “I had my most epic orgasm when…”

“My boyfriend blindfolded me with his tie and went down on me. Not being able to see definitely heightened my other senses, plus it was totally out of character for him!”

“I applied a strong vibrator to my C-spot while stroking my G-spot with one finger. I could tell I was touching my G-spot because it felt spongy – different than the rest of my vagina. The combo felt so unbelievably good, it took me seconds to orgasm!”

“We were in the shower and my BF was using his hands to stimulate my clit (with lots of lube). The tingly sensations lasted forever, and the finale was epic.”

“We started with missionary sex, then he leaned all the way backward so that I was able to get on top. I ground into him with circular motions while he very slowly thrusted upward.”

“My partner teased out the foreplay as long as possible, bringing me to the brink of orgasming but then backing off a bit (and doing that over and over again).”

“My partner slipped a single finger in my backdoor while performing oral sex in front. Aaaahhh!”

 

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LADIES! A COUPLE OF TIPS TO KEEP YOUR VAJAYJAY IN PERFECT WORKING ORDER!

LADIES! A COUPLE OF TIPS TO KEEP YOUR VAJAYJAY IN PERFECT WORKING ORDER!

Press release for Femagene. By Dr. Elna Rudolph.

As little girls, we’re all taught the basics – ‘Don’t fiddle around down there!’ and ‘make sure you wipe in the right direction!’ Clearly, these reminders are important to stop dirt getting into the wrong places and the spread of infection. As we get older, there are a few more tips for keeping our intimate areas healthy and happy.

Medical doctor, sexologist and Femagene sexual health expert, Dr Elna Rudolph offers a few handy hints:

  1. Your vagina produces discharge. It’s normal for a woman to have up to a tablespoon of discharge in a day. What isn’t normal is any itchiness in your vaginal area – this could be candida and should be treated.  If you think you have thrush, you can buy an anti-fungal treatment over the counter and if you do not respond to the treatment, you will have to see a doctor.
  2. Your vagina has a musky odour – this is normal. As women, we often try to mask any scent arising from our intimate areas. However, an unpleasant odour is not normal and should be referred to a doctor.
  3. Your vagina is self-cleaning. Don’t be tempted to douche. Douching is unnecessary and negatively affects the sensitive pH balance in the vagina.
  4. Your vagina is sensitive. Treat it with care. Opt for products that are gentle and designed specifically for women. A product like Femagene Intimate Hygiene soap helps to restore and maintain the correct pH in the
  5. Your vagina needs attention. You should have a speculum examination and pap smear at least every second year in your 20s and every three years in your 30s and beyond provided that everything has always been normal. If you have had abnormal cells on your pap smear, you will need an annual check-up at least.

For more information visit www.femagene.co.za

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‘‘Viagra’’ vir vroue?

‘‘Viagra’’ vir vroue?

Just close your eyes and think of England.” Glo koningin Victoria van Engeland se raad oor bedsake aan ‘n pas getroude dogter in die laat negentiende eeu.

Dus: Dis jou plig teenoor volk en vaderland om vir ‘n nageslag te sorg, maar moenie verwag dit gaan pret wees nie. Die oordrewe preutsheid het plek gemaak vir ‘n groter openheid oor seks, die wete dat vroue ook seks kan (en asb, ja, wíl) geniet.

‘‘Make love not war’’, was die slagkreet van die blommekinders in die jare sestig. Stomende liefdestonele is deesdae alledaags op die silwerdoek/kassie. Die Fifty Shades of Grey-trilogie het swepies en boeie sexy gemaak.

Almal doen dit. Of so voel dit soms. En jy, is jy nie lus nie? Wat is fout met jou?

As jy skuldig voel: Jy is nie alleen nie. Brenda (36), is getroud met ’n “liefdevolle beer” wat haar met geskenkies oorlaai. Hulle is meestal in hul vrye tyd saam. Sy is lief vir hom, maar sal enigiets doen om seks te vermy. Die lus ontbreek, daarom kyk sy saans laat TV en kruip dan saggies langs hom by die huweliksbed in. Jy sal verbaas wees hoeveel vroue daarmee kan identifiseer.

Dis wêreldwyd só: Vroue se seksdrang is aan’t kwyn. Dalk omdat hulle te veel balle in die lug moet hou, die eise van ’n loopbaan, kinders en eggenoot moet hanteer.

En farmaseutiese maatskappye werk kliphard op soek na die nuwe “heilige graal”- ’n pil (of plakker of sproei) om tot hul redding te kom, nes Viagra en kie baie mans se sekslewe omgekeer het.

So pas is die eerste pil dan ook in Amerika goedgekeur om ‘n gebrek aan begeerte by vroue te behandel. (Die farmaseutiese maatskappy wat dit bemark, moet nog besluit of hy dit Suid-Afrika toe wil bring en dan by die Medisynebeheerraad daarvoor aansoek doen. Dit kan etlike jare duur voordat dit hier beskikbaar is.) Addyi, die handelsnaam, is pienk teenoor Viagra se blou. En dadelik die etiket van vroulike ‘‘Viagra’’ omgehang. Die enigste ooreenkoms is egter dat albei bedoel is om skop in jou sekslewe te sit.

Viagra is vir erektiele disfunksie en vermeerder bloedvloei na ‘n man se geslagsdele. Dit help hom dus om ‘n ereksie te kry en te behou.

Addyi fokus op jou kop: Dit teiken die breinboodskappers wat gereken word betrokke by seksuele begeerte is: Dopamien, nor-epinefrien en serotonien. Dis aanvanklik teen depressie ontwikkel. Toe kom proefpersone agter hulle is steeds depressief, maar hul seksdrang is beter, volgens time.com.

“Dit probeer die brein oorreed om lus te wees vir seks,” sê dr. Elmari Mulder Craig, president: die Suider-Afrikaanse Vereniging vir Seksuele Gesondheid (SASHA), seksuoloog en verhoudingskenner van Pretoria.

Ongelukkig moet nog baie geleer word oor Addyi en is seksuoloë dit eens dat die newe-effekte ernstig kan wees, sê sy. Dit moet daagliks geneem word en newe-effekte kan lae insluit lae bloeddruk (veral saam met alkohol), floutes en slaperigheid. Dit kan nie vir postmenopousale vroue voorgeskryf word nie.

‘‘Viagra’’ vir vroue

Viagra doen dit helaas nie vir vroue nie. Toetse het getoon daar is wel ’n groter bloedvloei na die geslagsdele, maar vroue word nie seksueel meer geprikkel nie.

Want die seksuele respons vir ’n vrou lê in méér as net wat in haar vagina en klitoris gebeur. Die fokus het geskuif — na wat in jou kop aangaan. Daarom was daar groot afwagting op ’n pil soos Addyi, wat die plesier-sones in jou brein teiken.

Ongelukkig moet nog baie geleer word oor Addyi en is seksuoloë dit eens dat die newe-effekte ernstig kan wees, sê dr. Mulder Craig. Dit moet daagliks geneem word en newe-effekte kan lae insluit ernstige lae bloeddruk en floutes, wat deur alkohol vererger word. Ook lomerigheid, naarheid en duiseligheid. Dit kan nie vir postmenopousale vroue voorgeskryf word nie.

Addyi se pad is dan ook met omstredenheid besaai. Dis reeds twee keer vantevore deur die Amerikaanse voedsel-en-medisyne-owerheid (FDA) afgekeur. Toetse het naamlik getoon dit het nie juis ‘n beter effek as die plasebo’s waarmee dit vergelyk is nie. Drukgroepe het egter luid verkondig dis seksisties dat daar nie enige pil vir vroue met ‘n gebrek aan libido is nie.

Die uiteindelike goedkeuring daarvan het ’n groot debat ontketen. Daar word gevra of dit die regte redes vir ’n gebrekige libido teiken. Kritici sê die farmaseutiese bedryf, gretig om nuwe markte te ontgin, wil ’n tipiese lewensprobleem amptelik as siekte verklaar, skryf die Duitse dagblad Die Welt (www.welt.de). ‘‘Ons het gewoond geraak daar is ’n pil vir elke kwaal. Die farmaseutiese bedryf se ambisie ontmoet dus eenvoudig mense se verwagtinge.’’

Maar die pad na vroulike begeerte loop eenvoudig nie deur ’n botteltjie pille nie. Daarvoor is vroue se seksualiteit te kompleks. Dis baie meer in die brein gesetel as mans s’n. Vir húlle is dit makliker – selfs net ’n kykie na ’n sexy vrou kan hulle prikkel. Vroulike seksualiteit daarenteen, is steeds ietwat van ’n raaisel. Dis ’n komplekse wisselwerking tussen sielkundige, fisieke en hormonale faktore. Dus: Jou verhouding, liggaam én kop moet gesond wees, berig die Britse koerant The Observer (www.theguardian.com/observer).

Inderdaad, sê dr. Elna Rudolph, mediese dokter en seksuele gesondheid-spesialis van Pretoria (met takke in Johannesburg en Kaapstad). Moet egter nie die baba saam met die badwater weggooi nie. Syself beskou die ontwikkeling van produkte soos Addyi as positief. ‘‘Dit beteken daar word moeite met navorsing oor die vroulike seksdrang gedoen. As daar eers klaargespeel is met fisieke probleme wat ’n gebrek aan libido kan veroorsaak, is dit soveel makliker om kop-dinge te takel: ’n konserwatiewe opvoeding, molestering, ens.’’

Testosteroon, die sogenaamde libido-hormoon, word byvoorbeeld dekades al gebruik vir vroue met seksuele probleme. As jy geen testosteroon het nie, kan jou liggaam nie fisiek op seksuele stimulasie reageer nie. Dit kan met transdermale testosteroon-room behandel word. Jou hormone word vooraf met ’n eenvoudige bloedtoets getoets. (Nooit testosteroon-inspuitings vir vroue nie, sê dr. Rudolph.)

Testosteroon-aanvullings lei tot een keer meer se seks per maand, nes Addyi, wys navorsing.

Wat gebeur in jul verhouding?

Feit is, daar is nie kitsoplossing vir seksprobleme nie, sê dr. Mulder Craig. Die oorsaak van die probleem moet opgespoor en behandel word.

Geen pil gaan help vir ‘n swak verhouding, swak selfbeeld, seksuele molestering as kind, of depressie nie. As daar probleme in die slaapkamer het, moet julle waarskynlik goed na die gehalte van jul verhouding kyk. Want ’n vrou se seksdrang is afhanklik van hoe gesond haar verhouding is. En seksuele probleme is dikwels die eerste simptoom dat dinge nie reg is nie. ’n Pil vir seksualiteit sal dan ook net die simptoom behandel en nie die onderliggende probleem nie.

Vroue is geweldig sensitief vir wat in verhoudings aangaan. Jy gaan nie vanaand in die bui wees as jy voel jou man behandel jou die res van die dag sleg nie. Mans en vroue verskil: Hy sal ná ’n argument met seks wil wys hy is nog lief vir jou, sê sy.

Onlangse navorsing wys ook sommige vroue het eers stimulasie nodig (arousal) voor sy ’n drang of motivering vir seks het, gaan sy voort. ‘‘Jy gaan dus nie noodwendig ‘n spontane behoefte na seks hê nie.’’

Moenie ook nie gehalte-seks met kwantiteit verwar nie. Dit gaan nie oor hoe dikwels (hoeveel keer per dag/maand/jaar) jy seks het nie, maar hoe goed daardie ervaring is, volgens dr. Rudolph.

Gehalte-seks is as jul albei se behoeftes bevredig word, beaam dr. Mulder Craig. Maar dan moet jy weet wat jou behoeftes is. Soos: “Ek hou van romanse’’ of “dis gehalte-tyd saam, die hele aanloop tot seks”. Baie vroue het egter nog nooit gedink wat hul behoeftes is nie.

“Seks is ’n spanpoging en julle moet daaroor praat. Seksualiteit is hoe julle kommunikeer, bind, kreatief kan wees, ’n energie-inspuiting kry. Dis ’n manier om te groei: Jy, jou maat en jul verhouding.’’

Om te weet

  • Leer jou liggaam ken. Masturbeer, ontdek waarvan jy hou en vertel jou maat.
  • Werk aan jou seksuele selfbeeld. Versorg jouself goed.
  • Fokus op jou goeie eienskappe en beklemtoon dit. Vergeet van jou selluliet of rekmerke. Mans kyk met ander, sagter oë na vroue. Hy sien dikwels nie die dinge raak wat jou pla nie.
  • Práát oor seks. Verkieslik nie in die slaapkamer nie, maar in ’n neutrale omgewing. Bespreek jul behoeftes, voorkeure en afkeure. Wees eerlik oor jul verwagtinge. Lees saam seksueel opvoedkundige boeke en leer om gemaklik daaroor te kan praat.
  • Bepaal jou prioriteite. Jy is moeg en gestres en jy voel jou man wil meer seks hê as wat jy kan gee. Beplan jou sekslewe. Ruim tyd in vir spesiale, sensuele samesyn — veral as julle kinders het.
  • Die brein is jou belangrikste seksorgaan: Gebruik dit. As seks meganies en geroetineerd raak, kan fantasie dit weer laat opvlam. Fantaseer oor iets waarmee jy gemaklik voel. Jy kan só in ’n veilige omgewing met nuwe erotiese idees eksperimenteer.
  • Wees romanties en kreatief. Blomme, kerse, wyn, musiek, verrassings en bederfsessies (soos om mekaar te masseer) verrig wondere. Sorg vir afwisseling en wees sensueel én seksueel kreatief.
  • Gaan kompromieë aan. As jou maat se seksdrang baie hoër of laer is as joune, kan sensuele liefdespel ’n alternatief vir seks wees. Spontaneïteit, wedersydse buigsaamheid, eerlike kommunikasie en ontvanklikheid vir moontlike alternatiewe sal bydra tot ’n gelukkige, vervullende sekslewe.
  • Wees realisties. Moenie jou sekslewe vergelyk met wat jy in boeke lees of op TV sien en dan wroeg omdat joune saai en sonder oemf lyk nie. ’n Seksuele verhouding moet vertroetel word. En die groei en ontwikkeling daarvan is ’n lewenslange proses.
  • Soek moontlike oorsake vir probleme. Maak seker daar is nie ‘n liggaamlike rede soos diabetes, ‘n ystertekort of hormonale wanbalans nie. Pyn (algemeen of tydens gemeenskap), vaginale infeksies, moegheid, oormatige alkoholgebruik, medikasie soos antidepressante en kalmeermiddels, onopgeloste konflik, stres en ’n gebrek aan emosionele intimiteit kan ‘n negatiewe invloed op jou seksdrang hê. Praat met jou dokter oor ’n antidepressant wat nie die libido onderdruk nie. Soek hulp as seksuele probleme jul verhouding beïnvloed of as julle nie meer openlik, kalm en eerlik oor jul probleme kan gesels nie.

Bron: Elmari Craig, seksuoloog en huweliksberader.

Die statistiek

Dit voel of almal dit doen, net nie julle nie? Ontspan. Die gemiddelde paartjie in ‘n stabiele, langtermyn-verhouding, het sowat drie keer per maand seks, volgens die nuutste navorsing, wat in Brittanje gedoen is. In 1999 was dit gemiddeld 5 keer per maand. Dat sosiale media is waarskynlik die rede waarom dit afneem, is verlede jaar (2015) by die Wêreldkongres vir Seksuele Gesondheid in Singapoer berig. (Julle gaan saans met jul selfoon/rekenaar bed toe en jul sekslewe ly daaronder.) Dit wil voorkom asof mense wat slenterseks (casual sex) het, meer gereeld die ding doen, verduidelik dr. Rudolph.

En dr. Lorraine Becker, mediese dokter en seksuele gesondheid-spesialis van Johannesburg, sê: ‘‘Jy is normaal, jy hoef nie aanmekaar seks te hê nie. Seks is belangrik vir ’n verhouding, maar beslis nie die begin en einde nie.’’

*Author and publication unknown – Please contact us if you have any details regarding the original publication of this article: info@mysexualhealth.co.za

 

 

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What to Expect When You Go for Your Pap Smear

What to Expect When You Go for Your Pap Smear

Published by Femagene.

Dr. Elna shares her insight on what to expect when you go for a papsmear and, of course ,who and how often a woman should go for one. Most women are terrified of what to expect – in this educational video Dr. Elna Rudolph tells you all you need to know and that there is no reason to be scared.

Do’s and don’ts of female hygiene

Published by Femagene.

Dr. Elna Rudolph, specialising in the field of sexuality, shares her knowledge on what women should or shouldn’t do when it comes to intimate hygiene.